Tears on My Heart
by LovelyClair
Summary: Snape went from having no friends to having plenty all because of Voldemort...the cost his soul and the love of his life, who wishes he would go back to that pathedic boy she was friends with...but he was too consumed with the idea of Power and Fear...


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter Charaters...

I was watching a cool Snape and Lily Vid on youtube an i got this idea for a Snape POV... so hope you all like it.

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"Get AWAY! Goddamn Mudblood!" I yelled at her. For the third time that week I had to endure James Potter and his friends and I was fed up. Lily didn't make things better but at least she was there, but in all my stupid anger over her stupid boyfriend James, I had ruined it all.

"How dare you!" James yelled as he made to hit me, Sirius Black held him by the arm.

"No way man it's not worth it, Lil you okay." Sirius asked.

"No one talk to me…" she turned and ran off. Helga her friend came over.

"Severus that was a terrible thing to say," She started "What is wrong with you?"

I looked away from her Helga was just like Dumbledore could see though any lie, after all she was his daughter.

"Look Helga I don't want to talk about it go away, and take your friend Potter with you…" I mumbled.

Helga shook her head, "Severus she really cared about you, why say something like that… if you didn't mean it?" Helga asked.

"Look go now or better yet I'll leave!" I said walking past her and the rest of them.

They were all a bunch of muggle lovers, the whole lot of them…but Lily she was a muggle born… and I loved her.

I was in no mood the next day but I saw Lily laughing with Helga on the front steps… some crap about Sirius. He hated the whole lot of them now Remus, James, Peter, Sirius, and Helga. But never in his life would he dream of hating Lily.

As I wandered to the lake some boys from my house caught me attention they were huddled in a group with their sleeves rolled up.

"Just go initiated this summer, I'm telling you guys Voldemort is right in his lectures purebloods only, and no blood traitors." Said the tall blond boy I knew to be a fellow Slytherin Lucius Malfoy.

"Hey Malfoy tell us what that other thing was…" Started Avery, but he quieted down as Lucius looked my way.

"Aha! Severus come here a minute…" Lucius said.

I walked over "Hey what is it." I asked.

"Do you know what a Deatheater is?" Lucius asked me.

"The dark wizard Lord Voldemort's supporters, you do know if Dumbledore…" I started but was cut off by Avery.

"Yeah! Yeah! We know Goody Snape Shoes we get kicked out, that's why you have to either join now or we'll have to tell Voldemort about you knowing we are all Deatheaters." Avery said.

"All of you are really I did not know that!" I said sarcastically. "When your some one like Lucius who has a need to brag about being 1) Pure Blood 2) All ways lifting his sleeve to see where his tattoo might look good and finally 3) You Avery who is just stoked about learning the unforgivable curses, that you Avada Kadavrad your rat." I said in one breath then started up again, "By the way I will join Voldemort, there are a few people I'd like to see dead."

"Yeah like that know it all Evans!" Avery said.

I laughed trying not to draw too much attention to the fact that I was in love with Lily.

So it began my friendship with a new crowd of people, Lucius Malfoy, Charles Avery, Rabastan and Rodolphus Lestrange, and Bellatrix and Narcissa Black (Sirius' cousins). Many knew we were with the Dark Lord, there were nights where the eight of us would meet him in the depths of the forbidden forest where Voldemort would address us as his children because we were the youngest of his Deatheater's.

One day though as I was headed to the woods one night to be admitted into the world of Voldemort officially, I had run into Lily, and all the guilt of my recent actions came falling down on my shoulders.

"Excuse me Lily I need to go…" I told her but she moved in my way.

"No Severus! Don't do it don't join him." she pleaded with her beautiful green eyes.

I shook my head, "Lily I'm sorry but it's too late I am already too deep into it if I back out now, I'll be killed now please I have to go." I told her walking out the door.

"Severus please if you could ever do one thing for me its to not go tonight or and time to se that man…" Lily started.

I turned to her and looked down at her, she was so beautiful but I knew what I had to do.

"Lily I love you…" I had said it then I ruined it, "But you are a muggle born and I am a pure blood wizard, I could never lower my self to be with some one like you…now go be with Potter, you would just go back to him any way if I changed my mind about going to Voldemort."

"I will go to Dumbledore about this Severus!" I heard her yell.

I made my way in to the darkened woods my eyes looking down, truth be told I was so scared to join him, so scared by every thing. "But its what you want, power to make people fear you…most of all Potter and Black the two people who humiliate you." His inner voice told him. I knew now that there was nothing to fear. I arrived at the clearing there would be three others becoming Deatheaters that night. Avery stood to my left, on the right it was Rodolphus and Bellatrix. I looked around Narcissa Black was gone. Had she been a traitor? Voldemort entered the circle, he looked like any ordinary man his hair was slicked back and he wore a long black robe. I straightened up and looked directly into his eyes…

"Welcome my children, tonight you four will join us in our quest for absolute power, you Bellatrix Black will you bow before me and obey my every order?" He said to Bellatrix.

"Yes my Lord! I will obey!" She screamed and welcomed the tip of his wand burning the mark into her arm.

He did the same for Rodolphus who was just as extatic as she was at being accepted into Lord Voldemort's circle. It then came to me I was more calm and cool about it, but Voldemort didn't pay much mind to my adtiude.

"I expect a lot from you young Severus, you show great potential." He said privately to me after all the others had left.

"You think so my lord?" I asked him.

"I know so… now go back to the school before that fool Dumbledore comes looking for you." He said to me and he left through the woods leaving the clearing.

I stared after him for a moment then turned to walk up to the castle. That night I had a dream about Lily and I it was one of many beautiful dreams I had of her. She came to me and asked me to not join Voldemort, but it was too late I was so deep into his world that the only way out was death and if I died Lily will be joining me. I had it planned that way my death would be hers as well because I had a knack for luring her that way. All I had to do was tell Lily I would kill my self and she would come running to help me. Yet that was her she always cared about people, and surprisingly enough she cared for me. But all that did not matter now I was his servant now and nothing will stand in my way to greatness.

On particular day I sat alone by the river Lily came and sat next to me, I looked at her and she was solmn and serious.

"For once you aren't with your friends I can talk to you now…" she said.

"Be quick I can't be seen with you, my master hates muggles." I said as ruthless as I could be.

"Those people have manipulated you come how, Severus you were never like this." Lily said looking at me with those eyes. Damn her!

"Their my friends I don't dump on yours although I should, but I don't." I told her point blank.

"I hate what you have become, you should know I love you too, the real you that is." With that she stood and left.

I sat there gaping like a fish but she was gone not like I had any thing to say to her. I flopped back on the grass, Damn me!

I was a fool and perhaps continue to be a fool for the rest of my life, how ever long that might be…

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Yeah thats right Snape next chapter is a W/I/P so should be up soon... 


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